i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
