I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
