i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
