Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
