and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
