He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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