So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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