I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
