Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
