She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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