**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
