Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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