youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
