a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
