I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
