i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
