mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to calm my uterus...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
