I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
