need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
