I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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