There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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