The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
