Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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