at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
