please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
