I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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