i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
