grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
