You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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