nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
