Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
