Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
