Already got asked if we're dating
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
