its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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