Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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