8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
