I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And then he peed in my hair
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