so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
