i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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