If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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