i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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