I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
