The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
