perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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