what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
