I can tuck mytits in my pants
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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