I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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