after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
