I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
