my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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