Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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