so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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