dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
