Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
