it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
