It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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