he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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