why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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