Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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