I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
