Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
