trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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