He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
