Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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