I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
