My first STD was from a foam party
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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