you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize