He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
