the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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