Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
