a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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