What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
