im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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